


Loss of Control

by FlyingDutchy



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Kara loses control, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 07:16:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12789534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyingDutchy/pseuds/FlyingDutchy
Summary: Kara loses control when Alex is hurt.





	Loss of Control

**Author's Note:**

> I'm new to this fandom--only just watched the show. It was difficult for me to decide who to ship Kara with, I like both Lena and Alex. While Kalex works as sisterly, it can also work as something more. Though the choice was made for me by the S1 finale where Kara basically says goodbye to Alex--so Lena didn't really stand a chance when she was introduced later.
> 
> This takes place some time after 'midvale'.

“I don’t know how you do it, sometimes.” Maggie sat down in front of Kara in the bar. It had been a difficult transition for the group, and painful for her sister at times, but Maggie hadn’t just been Alex’s fiancée. Currently, it meant that if the group wanted to hang out with Maggie, they would have to miss Alex.

Kara understood her sister’s reservations. Despite being strong on the outside, she knew that Alex was hurting every time she saw her ex-fiancée. “What do you mean?”

Maggie pointed towards the monitor hanging in the corner of their bar. They weren’t in the standard ‘Alien’ bar, but just across the police station where Maggie worked. Alex was known to hang around their new spot, and Kara never agreed with Maggie to meet there on the off chance her sister was there.

“It would be easier to kill them, you know.” Puzzled, she watched the screen. There were details of her most recent chase and capture. Common criminals, armed and dangerous—not to her, of course—but during the bank robbery and subsequent hostage situation they had killed two security guards, one cop, and one innocent employee. Kara had only just managed to avoid additional casualties. “It would have been justified. They shot at you, you can shoot back.”

She just shrugged. “They can’t hurt me.”

There had been a risk for misfires and ricochets, but nothing she couldn’t control by either catching the bullets or positioning herself carefully. “It’s not just that, but you could see the bodies as you stormed the place. Even the best trained cops will be hard pressed not to go for the kill.”

Kara studied the hardened police officer. Maggie had requested her help when the hostage situation took a turn for the worse. A shootout between the police had just begun when she arrived, she was able to prevent more deaths—one of the perps got killed when he poked his head out and a sniper  got a clear shot—and as always she knocked them out and handed them over to the police.

“Killing was the worst crime on Krypton, even our peacekeepers hardly ever shot to kill.” Her aunt even got sent to the Phantom Zone for a lifetime—which would have been eternity, time passes differently in that place—for being complicit in the death of a guard. It was not the treason she was convicted for, but the murder. Treason was forgivable, but the death could never be returned. “Only when you are in serious danger, and it is the only way, is it admissible.”

Maggie now pointed at the slimy face currently on display, condemning both the police for calling in Supergirl while also condemning the criminals. “Even if you could save lives by killing him.”

Kara had told Maggie about how Morgan Edge had poisoned the kids, and planned to poison the water supply. Unfortunately, her testimony was not admissible in court. Kara wished she could just ‘pull the trigger’ with her mind. She would be saving lives, if she could just snap his neck or burn him through with her heat vision. She shook her head, clearing those dangerous thoughts from her mind.

“I’m here to save lives, Maggie. Not to take them.” She said with her confident Supergirl voice. There used to be a clear difference in how she was with and without the suit on, but now those two persona’s seemed to merge more and more.

Maggie opened her mouth to try to—what exactly, convince her to straight up murder Edge?—but was interrupted by her ringtone. _“I wanna love you but I’d better not touch…”_

Kara quickly ducked at the cheesy ringtone— _someone_ must’ve gotten her hands on her phone—scrambling to get her phone while looking at the time.

“Too busy for your sister?” The familiar voice greeted her through the speakers.

“I’m _so_ sorry!” Kara was careful not to use her sister’s name, Maggie was still hurting as well though Kara’s priorities lay with her sister. With a hand over the phone she mouthed a quick goodbye to the policewoman. “I forgot the time—you know how it is.”

Alex chuckled in the phone. “Saving lives and looking good while doing it.”

Kara blushed on her end of the conversation. Ever since the two of them had reconnected in Midvale, Alex was throwing those kinds of compliments her way. “I’m on my way now, be there in thirty.”

“The potstickers are almost gone now. It was a waste to let them go cold.”

“ _Don’t you dare.”_ She looked around and when no was in the same alley as her, she changed her dress in an instant and took to the skies.

Half a minute later she touched down on her balcony and saw Alex pretend to put a potsticker in her mouth. There was a dangerous glint in Alex’s eyes, challenging her come and get it. With her super speed, she was upon her sister in an instant. Alex was prepared, and used her own momentum against her. A touch on her stomach, just a small nudge, and she missed her target and almost crashed into her own closet. This game was game that they played when they were kids, Alex would challenge her and Kara was allowed to use all her powers—hidden from Eliza, of course. It thought her impeccable control, because there was no way in Rao’s mind that Kara would ever hurt Alex.

“Slowpoke.” Alex took a small bite out of the potsticker. Kara gasped at the audacity. Alex’s eyes narrowed as Kara began circling her. Alex moaned provocatively at the taste. “This one is good, probably the best in the bunch.”  

It didn’t matter to Kara that there were two full servings on the dining table—just for her, Alex had a few slices of pizza, the rest of the pizza was also for Kara—she wanted to win the game that the older Danvers sister initiated. Her eyes heated up and a quick bursts, never long enough to actually burn something, were aimed at her sister’s hand holding the potsticker. Alex dodged, and her own heat vision bounced off a mirror straight back at her. Kara let it hit her, it wasn’t meant to hurt Alex so it certainly didn’t hurt her.

Alex was now on the offensive, with the potsticker in her mouth, she jumped on Kara’s back. Her legs clamped around her middle and her arms around her torso, they both knew the next phase. Kara hovered a bit from the ground and took to spinning wild laps through her room. The small room made for tight corners, and the g-forces pulled her sister away from her. Alex launched across the room. Kid-Alex would have crashed, but DEO Alex was nimble and spun mid-air and landed on her feet like a cat.

Alex took another bite. “Those turns could have been tighter, you’re losing your edge.”

Kara was holding back, she always was, but it’s been years since they played this game. The auburn haired girl had improved. There was also the added fact that there was a new sensation at Alex being pressed against her so tightly, her arms securely around her and trusting her to not go too far. There was absolute trust between them. For her, there was also something else lately—something that wasn’t there when they were teenagers, but she pushed it deep down.

She took a deep breath and held it while she charged at Alex. Her sister took a step to the side and slid underneath her tackle. Kara released her breath and froze the ground that Alex was sliding on. The agent was thrown of balance and slid along the floor—straight into her bookcase. The books were fine, but picture frames on top fell over. She briefly saw Alex smirk as the girl made no effort to catch them. Kara sped forward and caught the four frames.

As she turned around, she saw Alex lick her fingers, the potsicker was gone. “You lose, Supergirl.”

“That was—you cheated!”

She got a blank look and a shrug in return. “You have superpowers.”

Kara could do nothing but pout. She wanted _that_ potsticker. With a frown on her face and a pout on her lips, she huffed and sat down on the couch. She folded her arms around her chest and pulled her knees up. Alex sat down next to her, with the two bags full of potstickers as a peace offering.

“I wanted the other one.” Alex seemed unperturbed at the pout and the frown. Normally they worked.

“Then you won’t mind if I take them. I don’t fancy pizza anyway.” Alex opened the bag and reached inside. Kara snatched the bag before she could. “Thought so.”

She looked inside the bag and on top was one with two small bites out of it. “I _hate_ you.”

“Love you, too.” She took the hard fought potsticker out of the back and nibbled on it. She savored this one, but the others would be inhaled faster than a Labrador could clear his tray.

Alex snuggled in her side with her pepperoni pizza and Kara’s cellphone in her hand—no doubt changing her ringtone once again. Kara’s stomach fluttered as Alex pressed alongside her body. “Designated survivor?”

“Netflix and chill?” Alex coughed as the pizza went down the wrong pipe. “Isn’t that what’s it called? Winn told me that is what people did.”

Alex’s reply got lost when the title credits played and she got lost in the latest show, starring Jack Bauer as president.

 

 

 

Two days later she was handing in a manuscript—coincidentally about the predatory business practices by Edge’s corporation—when her phone rang again. _“Pour some sugar on me—in the name of love…”_

Lena pulled up one eyebrow and Kara cursed under her breath. She wondered if her sister really liked those songs or if she was embarrassing Kara on purpose. “My sister has a peculiar taste in music.”

“I did not expect this from the agent—this isn’t badass but cheesy.” Kara laughed, that was exactly what she told Alex dozens of times.

“Don’t let her hear that, she knows how to get away with murder.” The song was still going on in the background. “I have to take this, I’m sorry.”

Lexa smiled good-naturedly and continued to read through the article that Kara had written. Lena was not an editor, nor did she have the final say in what got published anymore (James and her solved that after a long overdue conversation), but she was interested in what Kara wrote. Both as her boss and as a friend.

“Took your damn time.” Alex said without malice. “What if I was in an emergency?”

“You’d have used your own tracker.” That was something Kara had retrieved after Alex got kidnapped by an old classmate of theirs. Kara never wanted to go through that again and gave Alex a new subdermal tracker made from Kryptonian technology, it could not be disabled and Kara would always know where to it. “What’s up?”

“The sky.” Kara rolled her eyes. “I’m calling if you want to see the new Star Wars movie tonight? I got tickets to the premiere.”

It was said so off-handedly, that Kara almost dropped her phone. “Is Rao a fiery hot ball? Is the Pope Catholic? Do we know the story about Darth Plagueis the Wise? Yes, of course!”

The squeal she let out activated Lena to come check on her. She mouthed to her boss that she was still functioning, albeit positively jumping in excitement. Star Wars was easily her favorite Earth franchise, even though it was highly inaccurate with regard to actual space travel. “How did you get them—I even went looking for Mark Hamill and asked him as Supergirl for tickets.”

“I kno—” Alex cut herself off.

“You _knew_?!”

“I may or may not have gotten to him first, and got tickets for you instead. I had a run-in with him when an alien thought Star Wars was real and he was looking for Luke Skywalker’s X-wing to get off planet.” Kara blanched, she had practically begged her favorite actor for tickets to the premiere in National City. She almost went as far to orchestrate an emergency to rescue him from—in order for Mr. Hamill to be in her debt.

“You don’t know how much of a fool I made of myself.”

“No, I know.” She wished she could use her heat vision to melt the ground below her so it swallowed her up. Only the people on the floor below her wouldn’t look at her kindly if she did that. “I wanted to surprise you.”

Kara smiled, those annoying flying insects with the big wings were once again present in her stomach. If only Alex wasn’t so perfect. “You’re both the worst and the best ever.”

 

 

 

She had ducked when the cast of the movie passed her on the red carpet, worried that one member would recognize her. It was surreal to be one of the first to see the movie, and to see it together with the cast. Alex had dressed up for the occasion even—for her anyway. She wore a dark blue blouse, with skinny jeans. Kara wore her trusty cardigan with jeans. She wanted to wear a dress, but supposedly it was cold outside and normal people didn’t wear dresses when it was freezing.

Seeing how the actresses were dressed on the red carpet, she threw a look at Alex.

“Actresses aren’t normal people.” Kara shrugged, she could’ve worn a nice dress and instead she was here in her boring outfit. “Don’t pout, I already got you tickets, I deserve an evening without your manipulative pout.”

She was nudged in the side by an elbow, and because she was slightly angry, she didn’t move as much with the touch she normally did. One of the most difficult things to master was the fact that if someone bumped into her, she would remain standing and the other could have serious injuries as a result of walking into a wall of steel. That’s why, whenever someone nudged her, she had to remember to move with the touch, or it could be painful. Alex didn’t comment and simply wrapped an arm around her, it was cold outside and Kara’s body was warm. This was something new—many things they did were habits from their childhood together, but they were never as touchy feely in the open.

“C’mon we’ve got to grab snacks!” She dragged Alex over to the stands. “I want three extra-large popcorn, salt of course, and two large cokes. What do you want?”

The young boy behind the counter dropped the first bucket he was filling. Alex helped him out immediately. “Yes she really did say three XL for herself. Don’t worry. You’re still sane, unlike _someone_ else.” The last part was stage-whispered. “I’ll take one medium popcorn.”

“I’m not sharing, you know.” She warned her foster-sister, who shrugged and corrected her order to a large one. The young boy still looked at them with disbelief in his eyes as they left to find their seats.

 

 

 

“This is the best in the series.” She exclaimed the moment the screen turned black for the break. “Han is so cool, and I like Rey, she’s awesome. Female heroes are awesome.” Alex snorted at the poorly veiled self-compliment.

“You say that about every installment.” Kara was about to retort, when masked men stormed the stage. Gunfire filled the air as the men shot at the ceiling. The loud sound was amplified in the theater, and further amplified by her super hearing. In a protective instinct, she dove over her sister in case they were getting shot at. The smell of gunpowder hung in the air.

People were screaming, scrambling away from the front of the room. “ _Everybody stop moving!”_

She checked if Alex was okay—and of course she was—before taking a look at what was going on. There were seven masked men with what looked like automatic rifles. The auburn haired agent also took a look, between the two of them she was the weapon expert. “Seven perps with rapid fire modded semis.”

Ducked behind the chairs, Kara reached to take her shirt off. As always, she wore her Supergirl outfit underneath. Alex’s hand on hers stopped her from changing. “They’ve got a theater full of hostages. Rushing in is going to get people killed if they’re serious.”

She looked at the man directing the crowd. She always prided herself to be an excellent judge of character, and the vibe she got from him was anything but good. They were dangerous and she felt they would shoot if things were going badly—just because they could.

Kara nodded at her sister. “What do we do?”

Alex put a silencer on her pistol—where had she kept that, her skinny jeans hid nothing and Kara had _looked_ —and pointed towards the ceiling. “We need to clear the room and make it as confusing for them as possible. Start by activating the fire response system. The noise will distract them and its foam based.”

Alex snuck away, and Kara ripped her cardigan apart. She aimed her eyes at the unfortunate piece of clothing and burned away. The fabric burned easily and soon enough smoke started rising, pulling attention towards her.

“Hey! What’s going on there?” A gunshot was fired in her direction.

She quickly caught it, but was spotted by another guest who whispered amazed. “Supergirl.”

The smoke reached the ceiling and it was enough. Alarms started ringing and foam was being sprayed into the room.

“Everyone stay seated! Nobody move!” The plan was falling apart for the terrorists. Kara moved, clearing the theater part from foam using her speed and breath to freeze the foam or blow it away, while the stage remained obscured. The people quickly got the idea and used the foam as a smokescreen, filling out of the cinema. Alex was next to the door leading people outside.

“They’re running! Stop them!” Then everything happened too fast for her. Shots rang out towards the crowd, she saw someone get hit. She moved to intercept the bullets, using herself as a human-alien shield. Two gunmen stormed through the wall of foam, weapons raised, and they were surprised to see her standing there. “Supergirl is here!”

“Shit!”

Shots echoed through the confined space, dulled by the foam absorbing the sound but still loud enough to make the people duck. Kara flew towards the shooters in a zig-zag pattern. She didn’t dodge the bullets, instead she caught them with her chest, face or hands.

From her right she heard the high-pitch of a silenced shot—something only her super-hearing would pick up under the barrage of normal gunfire. She heard a man grunt, Alex was making more friends. She slammed into the first of the two men firing, destroying his weapon. Her first priority was always disabling their weapons, no innocents should get hurt any more. The second man hesitated to pick a target—she or the crowd— and she kicked the weapon out of his hands. Metal pieces flew through the air as her the force behind her demolished the rifle. The shock traveled through the weapon into the man’s arms, she heard bones splinter and the man screamed. She winced. _Too much force._

She looked through the foam, searching for the next person.  She saw Alex—who had not grown up with the same rules as her—shoot her gun at an unsuspecting gunman who was aiming at the people massing at the door. He went down as a result. _That’s four down._

Kara flew to intercept more gunfire. She was being battered by bullets, unable to move or the people running away from the room would get shot, when she saw it happen. There weren’t seven shooters, an eight gunman had been hidden in the seats and was now coming up behind Alex.

“Alex!” She shouted, but she was too late. Alex was held at gunpoint. At first, she didn’t drop her weapon but then three men were on her while Kara rushed to meet the gunman still shooting at her.

“Stop if you want her to live!” She stopped dead in her tracks. The foam was clearing. She breathed heavily, not from exertion but of anxiety that something was seriously going wrong here. The air smelled of gunpowder, coppery blood, and soap. As she hovered in the sky, she saw Alex being dragged from the stage below the screen towards the seating area. As they passed through the wall of smoke, they could finally see Supergirl hovering above the seats.

They had no weapons trained on her, but three sets were aimed at her sister. She didn’t think she would be fast enough—and she would never gamble with Alex’s life. Slowly, she lowered herself to the ground.

Alex was pushed on her knees, her torso held up by the two men who each had a pistol aimed at her, and a third man was behind Alex, a gun to the back of her head. The two men she had taken out were scrambling on their feet. One was holding his broken arm, and the other nursed broken ribs. Alex’s two were dead—her x-ray vision told her that much.

“That actually worked.” Their leader, who was holding the gun to Alex’s head, said. He wore a bunny mask over his face, but Kara could see through it. He had a sharp edged face, with clearly defined lines. He didn’t have eyebrows or hair, he was completely bald on his entire face.

“You know you’re not getting out of here.” She said, trying to sound confident. “You’ve killed or shot people here. I can’t let you get away and kill more people.”

“Tsk, tsk.” Their leader tutted. He walked around Alex, trailing her face with the muzzle of his gun. He teasingly caressed the agent’s jaw, then trailed towards her chin while pressing it on her lips. “If you don’t do what we tell you, her pretty little brains are going to redecorate this room.”

Kara trembled with anger. “If you kill her, nothing will stop me from retaliating.”

One of the henchmen nodded dumbly, but the boss wasn’t that worried. “We won’t kill her… yet.”

“What do you want?” She slowly tried to inch closer to Alex. Maybe if she got closer she could be fast enough to get her out of there.

“What we wanted? What we wanted?” He laughed menacingly. “We wanted to make a statement to Hollywood. The cancer of American society. And you two blew our chance.”

National City, home of Hollywood and the biggest stars, there would be no better place to strike if you wanted to hurt that institution. She took another step and the man hit Alex across the face with his gun. Alex bit her lip and didn’t make a sound. She spit out a mouthful of blood and nodded to her that she was alright. It was going to take more to take Agent Danvers out of the battle.

“I see you moving. Take one more step and it’s bye-bye.”

She looked around and could think of nothing. The only think she could do was to play along. She held up her arms, flexing her muscles for good measure, and then put them in her side.

“What do you want, now?”

The man in the bunny mask looked away from his inspection of the damage he had done to her foster-sister’s face. There was a deranged sort of glee in his eyes. “What I want? Well, to kill you for ruining or plans, for starters. But we all know that you can’t be hurt.”

She braced herself for Alex’s wrath. “What if you could?”

All six heads snapped to her, but before she could react, the two next to Alex tightened their grips on her and pushed their weapons against her once again. Her sister was shaking her head vehemently, telling her not to do what she was about to do.

“Can you turn your powers off then?” Their leader seemed interested. She only needed to buy time, make sure the SWAT or DEO arrived and helped them get out of this. This was the only thing she knew would buy her the minutes she required. She shook her head.

“I can’t turn them off. But there exists a substance that can block my powers. I could get it for you.”

The man laughed wickedly. “Killing you might be a better statement than killing these Hollywood creeps. But I can’t just let you leave, who knows how you plan to return to take us out.”

The leader of the gunmen turned around and walked back towards her sister. He put his gun on Alex’s knee. “I’m giving you five minutes, or I’ll shoot her other kneecap.”

 _Other?!_ Kara’s eyes opened wide. The yellow sun enhanced all her capabilities on earth. Super speed, super-hearing, super-strength, and super-thought-processing. The last allowed her to process time at a different rate than humans, absorb more information in the same second. This was the first time she resented that power.

The gun pressed to Alex’s knee flared. The slide pulled back as the shell was cleared from the chamber. With her x-ray vision, she followed the bullet’s path as it left the barrel and pierces Alex’s skin. It ripped flesh apart and then slowly—for Kara—struck the bone of her kneecap. It tore muscles, tendons and bone as it carved its way through her sister’s limb. Blood sprouted out around the newly formed wound, and pieces of bone and metal fragments were doing more internal damage.

She saw it all. And heard it all.

Alex jerked back violently at the flare of pain and screamed, the pain was too much for the tough agent to handle. She heard the painful moans as her foster-sister slumped back forward, overcome by the destruction of her knee.

Something snapped in her.

The control she prided herself with was gone. Alex’s violent shaking had thrown the two holding her in disarray, and Kara took the second they needed to center their guns to take them out. Two beams of heat rays pierced through the air, ionizing the molecules into a plasma, and burned straight through the two holding her sister.

Their leader, who had his back to her, saw his companions being ripped apart by heat as hot as the sun’s core. In reflex they pressed the triggers on their weapons, but they had not aimed on Alex, and their bullets tore each other apart instead.

To her, the world slowed down as the man who had shot Alex turned around to face her. It was a human reflex to look for the threat first. That meant that he was currently not a threat to Alex. So she jumped to the sole remaining man with a rifle. He shot at Alex, who despite her pain ducked out of the bullets’ paths.

Kara caught a few and threw them back at the shooter—faster than the gun had fired them. They cracked through the air as they broke through the sound barrier and ripped chucks of flesh out of the man’s body. He fell over spraying bullets across the room, taking down one of the two men she had wounded before Alex got captured.

She flew straight at the other and just… didn’t stop. She smashed into him with one fist. His chest caved in and ribs and lungs gave way for her arm until it protruded out from his back. She pulled her blood and tissue covered arm back and his body crumbled to the floor.

Their leader was now alone. He had saw the damage she had done and knew he had made a terrible mistake. The man with the bunny mask tried to turn back to Alex, but she was faster. She crashed into him and he flew through the room, crashing into the wall. As a predator stalking her prey, she prowled over to him. His left arm was mangled by the crash, it was broken below the elbow and a bloody red bone was sticking from his skin.

He shot at Alex with the gun from his right hand. Kara simply caught and crumpled each lead bullet until the slide of the weapon stuck in the back position. In panic, he kept pressing the button. She wrapped her fingers around his hand and yanked.

She had the strength to stop a spaceship mid-flight. So it didn’t surprise her that she ripped the arm clean off. With distaste she threw the offending limb across the room. The man was going in shock, she knew the symptoms, but he would bleed out first before he died. She leant towards him. Preparing to go in for a slow meticulous kill. “You shouldn’t have hurt _her_.”

She paused briefly as she saw herself reflected in his eyes. Her super-sight allowed her to see that clearly. There was a crazed look in her eyes, blood—not her nor Alex’s—streaked her blonde hairs with red stripes, and a few speckles were on her cheeks. Then she saw the bullet tear apart Alex’s knee once again on replay in her mind.

She pulled back her arm, ready to tear his heart out. She wanted hold it in front of him, showing him his own heart as she squeezed it to a bloody pulp. Something blocked her from striking out.

Kara almost struck backwards, but the touch was familiar. She turned around and saw that Alex had crawled over here to where they were. The wounded agent had left behind a bloody trail from where she had been shot. Alex was breathing hard, she was biting her lip so hard that she had drawn more blood.

“Kara, it’s enough.” Superhuman strength sapped away. She looked at her own hands, how they were coated in blood and grime, to the man who was slowly breathing his last breaths. She crumpled to the floor, only to be caught by her wounded sister. Alex always used to be the strongest between the two of them.

Not a second later, the police stormed the room. They saw Supergirl being embraced by her sister, surrounded by the carnage of a warzone. One retched, throwing his dinner out of his stomach. The others were aiming their weapons at them, as if she was the bad guy.

_Maybe I am… I betrayed everything._

She saw Maggie run into the room, who stopped at the sight of Alex’s destroyed knee and the battlefield surrounding them.

Alex winced. At once Kara jumped back into action, stopping to think at what she had done and lifted her sister up in her arms very carefully. She kept a secure, but tender, hold on Alex’s knee and took off.

 

 

 

As if everything was normal, Kara went into work the next day. She brushed off James’ questions. She needed to be anywhere than by herself right now. Lena had planned an important staff meeting, but before it began, her friend pulled her apart.

“Look, it might be better if you sit this one out.” Kara hardened her eyes.

“Why is everyone pulling me aside, _I_ didn’t get hurt last night.” Everyone knew that Kara would be going to the premiere, she was so excited that she told everyone. She brushed past Lena into the staff room, and froze at what she saw on the screens.

She saw herself as Supergirl. She was looking at her own hands, while Alex had wrapped herself around her. The agent had pulled herself on one knee, the other lay useless by her side. There was blood all around them, and between the two of them, Supergirl was the most covered in it. She really looked like a monster. _I am a monster._

The real carnage had been cut away from this particular image, but she knew what lay just beyond the edges of the frame. Mangled bodies, torn apart by gunfire, heat vision and her own arms. She couldn’t look away from the image, she was completely frozen on her spot. Until she felt a hand on her shoulder.

Lena shook her head apologetically—this had been the reason, not because of what happened but because of the picture. The only good Luthor hadn’t even known that she was Supergirl, only that the image of her sister being wounded might be too much for her to bear. James, who led this meeting, mouthed ‘sorry’ to her.

“You all know what happened last night at the premier of The Force Awakens.” James didn’t need to point towards the screen. “We have to do make a decision. Some news agencies are avowing Supergirl for being unnecessarily brutal. That she’s a monster, but we can also come from a diff—”

“Maybe she is a monster.” All eyes turned to her.

“She saved most of those people.” Lena interjected angrily. “Thanks to her, Alex is alive.”

“Thanks to her, Alex was in danger.”

One of her coworkers spoke up. “So you mean your sister and Supergirl are more than colleagues?”

This seemed to sparkle a whole new set of questions among the staff. Who was the girl to Supergirl, and did the terrorists know this? One even had the audacity to suggest something completely ludicrous. “Is that why Alex cancelled her previous engagement?”

Kara couldn’t handle the questions. She rushed out of the room with Lena and James on her heels. James was the first to reach her as she rushed into the toilet and retched her breakfast into the bowl. “Kara, I’m sorry, I tried to—”

“I did that James.” She sniffled. “I saw it happen in slow motion—I saw Alex get shot. My blasted x-ray vision gave me all the gory details, and I could hear the skin tear away and bones shatter.”

The man gathered her up from the floor, put the lid down on the toilet and sat her down on top of it. She looked away from him, unable to face anyone for the crimes she had committed. “I just… I always hold back. And I just didn’t.”

“You saved Alex. You did what you had to.” He comforted her. He patted her knee and stroked her back softly. It was not what she needed—she needed her sister but was afraid that she would never see her in the same light—but it was better than nothing.

“You don’t understand.” She shook her head. “I wanted to hold back. Because they didn’t _suffer_.”

“They were bad people.” But she heard the surprise in his voice, and a bit of fear.

“Alex suffered, so why shouldn’t they? That is what I thought.” She chocked on a bitter laugh between her tears. “And then Alex stopped me. She needed to crawl over with a destroyed kneecap—the doctors are still working to reconstruct it—she needed to _fucking_ stop me from tearing that man apart limb for limb, to crush his heart in front of his eyes.”

James froze, finally scared at what she was saying, finally judging her like she wanted. Finally he thought her a monster as well. She stood up and walked to the basin to wash the non-existent blood from her hands, blood that stayed on her skin no matter how hard she scrubbed. She gave up after a minute and checked herself in the mirror.

She exited the toilet and saw Lena standing on the other end of the hallway, clearly looking for her. Kara had known she was out of earshot. Her friend took one look at her and enveloped her in a hug. “Alex is going to be fine.”

Kara nodded, she knew that the DEO had their best surgeons on it. Her foster-sister would be in surgery for a full day while her knee was rebuilt with the best prosthetic kneecap that money could buy, but Kara couldn’t be there. She tried. _Rao knows I tried._

The only thing she saw on a loop was that the bullet as it hurt her sister. And the sounds of Alex’s screams and moans. Those were worse than the sound of skin tearing and bones breaking. Kara knew that she would never be able to look at Alex lying there, unmoving, until she saw her breathing and smiling again.

“I have an assignment for you in the field.” Snapper walked out from the direction of the staff room. “It’s a follow up on the businesses hit by Edge’s corporate actions, a follow up on your previous story.”

She had misjudged the man. He didn’t speak of Alex, but he gave her exactly what she wanted: something to lose herself in.

 

 

 

She rushed through the doors in her Supergirl suit. J’onn had contacted her on her secure channel that Alex had woken up and was desperately asking for her. She flew straight to the best hospital in National City and didn’t bother changing back into Kara Danvers as she gave the doctors, nurses and patients a scare. There were two agents standing outside of Alex’s room and they let her in without a hassle—one could not impersonate Supergirl easily and the only one that could was their boss.

Once inside, she froze, staring at her sister who had prepped herself up against her pillows. She was paler than usual. Kara saw the magazines on her bedside—one from CatCo’s, the other from a competitor. The two pictures were night and day, where CatCo focused on the intimate embrace, the other framed all the attention to Supergirl and the carnage around her. There was even text printed over Alex to downplay her role. The same image, but different stories.

Kara swallowed. _Which does Alex believe?_

“You weren’t here.” Her head snapped upwards. She expected to see anger or disappointed on the auburn haired girl who was so sickly pale, but Alex smiled softly in understanding. “How bad was it?”

Alex knew _all_ her powers and exactly how they worked. Kara shook her head, she couldn’t hold the tears she was holding this past week any longer.

“I’m sorry…” She hiccupped and cried big angry, scared, sad tears. She heard a shuffle, and before she could protest, Alex had thrown herself from the bed and straight at her. Her foster-sister crumpled in her arms.

“It seemed easier in my mind.” Alex said through grounded teeth. Kara quickly lifted her sister back up and put her back into the hospital bed—she had half a mind to strap the woman down. “It worked though.”

“What?”

“You stopped crying.” Alex wiped her cheeks dry. She patted the bed next to her as she scooted a bit to the right. Kara sat down on the empty spot obediently.

“You’re the one in the hospital, and you are still taking care of me.”

Alex shrugged as if it was normal. “I’m your—I’ll always take care of you.”

The hospitalized girl pulled her gown up to reveal her knee. Kara saw a bunch of scars, some were from the shooting, others were from the surgery.

“See, it’s all going to be fine.” Kara blinked, for a second she worried that the memory would be superimposed once again. “It is even metal now, so the next bullet will bounce right off. I asked if they wanted to replace my other one preemptively but the cheap bastards at the DEO found that too expensive.”

Kara couldn’t laugh at the quips. There was only one thing going through her mind and that was that Alex was not mentioning what she had seen in the magazines. That could only mean one thing.

“Why are you still talking to me?”

“What do you mean?” A gentle touch turned her head, forcing her to face her foster-sister. She didn’t respond, so Alex spoke more forcefully. “What do you mean?”

“You know…”

“No, I don’t know.” There was an anger behind those words. Kara nodded towards the magazines. “You mean that you _love_ me? Should I be angry at that?”

“I mean—wait what?” Eyes wide, she looked at Alex. “I don’t—I mean—how?”

Alex shrugged. “I have eyes. I have known for a while.”

Kara was stunned. She thought she kept it secret, knowing that she would never tell Alex that little fact. It had happened at the height of Myriad, when she thought she would say goodbye to Alex. She suddenly knew, knew that she couldn’t be with James. “That’s not important. I mean, it is, it totally is, to me, not to you, maybe to you as well, but it’s not your problem. I hope—”

“Kara, take it easy.”

She took a big breath. “Why don’t you think I’m a monster? You had to stop me, force me not to do make the man suffer. And for just a brief second I resented you for stopping me.”

Alex just shrugged.

“I didn’t force you, I just told you it’s enough. You could’ve kept going. You are stronger than I am—but only because I was shot.” Then with a soft voice she added. “If it were you, I wouldn’t have. Stopped, I mean.”

Alex said that with certainty as if she said that the sky was blue, and water was wet. There was not a single gram of doubt and it made Kara pause. She had known that Alex killed on the job, she probably has a higher body count than what she told the Kryptonian. Alex had told Kara of the times she had almost lost it against one of their prisoners, whenever Supergirl had gotten into a bind and needed her to rescue her. Kara just never wondered what Alex would do _if_ she got actually seriously injured and Alex could lay her hands on the person responsible.

“You were probably about to rip him limb for limb, crush his heart, or anything like that? That’s be to kind for someone that hurt you. I’d make sure he never died, but wishing he did.” Kara’s eyes widened.

“That’s worse than what I told James I was planning to do.”

“Did you try to scare everyone away? Or lash out at them because you were scared and angry yourself?” Alex guessed. Kara shrugged with great exaggeration. “Oh don’t go imitating my aloof habits, shrugging is my thing.”

“Learned from the best, didn’t I?”

They settled in an easy silence. Kara knew that Alex didn’t judge her. And her secret was out.

 

 

 

“I could carry you, you know?”

Alex struggled with the crutches she was given by the hospital. Not because she was weak, but because she was moving a week before she should be moving. They had settled back at Kara’s apartment. She had worried that Alex would be different towards her now her secret was out in the open, but nothing changed. Her ringtones were still ever changing between different love songs, they still faux-fought over food, and still snuggled on the couch.

While Alex had been having physical problems to overcome, for which Kara could never offer help lest she got the look she was given now, she had problems sleeping. It had gotten so bad that Alex had opted to stay with her, to tell her it was okay whenever she woke up screaming. Usually that meant that Alex had to visit the bathroom—useless human biology couldn’t even go for one day without a pee break—and the struggle to walk back and forth took a while.

Alex insisted it was good practice—at 4 in the morning.

The bed caved in a bit more as Alex joined her once again. To have something she had dreamed of—Alex in her bed—but for the wrong reasons was frustrating. Her foster-sister meant well and did everything right.

“What was this one about?”

Kara explained her latest night terror. She was being judged by Rao for her callous deeds, but she managed to defend herself in the eyes of the God. Then came her parents. They were the worst, accusing her of dishonoring Krypton. When she called back at her father that he made a chemical weapon to kill invaders, he told her it was not a torture weapon but a clean way to defend themselves. What Kara had done was torture and she deserved to spend the rest of Alex’s life in the Phantom Zone, only to be left out when Alex had died.

Alex stayed silent throughout her story. “No one will take you away from me.”

“My parents were Kryptonians too, they would have superpowers.”

Alex did her signature shrug, showing that she didn’t care. “Not if I would fight them on Krypton. Who knows, maybe I would have powers on Krypton.”

The image struck something in her mind. Alex in a dress of the House of El, challenging her parents to a duel. Though this time not for her honor, but for her hand. She blushed hard at the thought that she curled inwards.

“I recognize a blush, even in the dark.” Alex pressed close, she knew what it did to Kara and it was borderline cruel. “What did you think about?”

Alex had been inquiring after the feelings Kara had towards her a lot lately. “You, fighting for my hand.”

“Is that something I’d have to do?” She recognized the smirk by the tone of her voice. “Would it be with swords?”

“Pfft. That’s too ancient.”

Snuggled together, her thoughts far away from those that scared her awake, the two Danvers girls fell asleep.

When Kara woke up, her whole apartment smelled like pancakes. With a stretch, she crawled out of bed. Wearing just her pajama shorts, and a tank top, she stepped into the kitchen and burst out laughing.

Alex was balancing on one foot, while flipping pancakes and trying to set the table. She hopped from one side of the kitchen to the other. There was a discarded pile of pancakes next to the successful one. “Sometimes I didn’t make it on time.”

“I see you gave up on the crutches.” Kara nodded to the metal rods which lay abandoned on the floor, haphazardly thrown down. She bent down to stow them away, she could already see Alex trip over them. “If you don’t watch out, you will have one very buff leg.”

“Sit down and eat.” Today the two of them would both be going back to word. Alex to work behind the desk, and Kara warned her not to deviate from that, and Kara back to her job at CatCo. They had both taken a full week off. There were little things for Supergirl to do, she had positively scared away all criminals. CatCo was in a buzz, doing damage control in her stead, and the media was still talking about it. “You’re going to be fine. If there is anything you need—”

“I call you.” She nodded, she could do this. Alex kissed her cheek, and Kara was off to Noonan’s for her morning coffee.

As she walked into the office, something was off. _The_ elevator dinged behind her. And suddenly nerves shot up and she had forgotten the latte and didn’t have the salad, and… then she remembered Cat was no longer working here and she was a reporter, no assistant.

Which is why it was so strange when the blonde diva walked passed her like she didn’t exist, sat down in her—James’—seat and called out. “ _Kiera._ ”

A trick once learned… she responded and ran into the office. “I’m sorry Miss Grant, I forgot your coffee and… what are you doing here? Who let you in and why did nobody stop you from taking this office?”

“I’ve found that people give you what you deem is yours to take, if you act forcefully enough. During my first years I was just like you, a push over, but you’ll learn. Though I must admit I expected more self-sufficiency but one bark from your master and you come running.” Despite everything, Kara smiled. Cat never changed. “Close the door, Kara.”

Her name was said correctly, which meant that Cat was serious. She briefly saw the surprise on James’ face as he saw Cat Grant sitting in his chair, ordering the door to be closed on him. She smiled apologetically to him.

“Jasper can come in, if he wants, though I’d prefer not. He knows the truth as well.” The hairs prickled on the back of her neck. She turned around ready to defend her secret identity but Cat was closer than she had imagined. The retired media giant stuck out a hand and moved one sleeve up until her blue suit was visible underneath. “No need to hide, Kara.”

It was so much easier not to hide. As if the fact that her suit was visible, her persona switched from Kara Danvers to Kara Zor-El. “What do you want, Miss Grant? Why are you here?”

Cat blinked at the sudden change, as if it was only now confirmed for her. Supergirl was hard to match with the preppy outfit and glasses. “I’m here to help you. Of course. You make a mess, I clean it up. Maybe help you and your ‘sister’ finally see some sense as well.”

“What— why does everyone—?”

“Did you see how she looked at you in that picture?” Cat picked a version where it was just their faces. “If it wasn’t so gruesome, they could bottle this up and sell it as a love potion.”

Kara had never inspected the picture this close, probably because she didn’t like how she was looking. Supergirl was staring at her hands like they were instruments of death. But now she _really_ saw Alex, who only had eyes for her. An untrained eye would see gratitude and love, but Kara saw worry and pain. Worry for the haunting that would follow Supergirl during the nights, and pain because she would share Kara’s pain as if it was her own, on top of her own burdens.

She swallowed.

“Now, you only seem surprised at the other part of the equation.” Cat stated with certainty. “You’ve figured this out already for yourself, but she hasn’t.”

“She isn’t, she doesn’t, I’m her sister.”

“You’re her sister, but she is not yours.” That was a surprisingly succinct way of saying it. “It would be the easiest solution to both our problems. Have Supergirl proclaim her love this Alex Danvers and the media would eat it up.”

Kara blanched, going public with her love would mean everyone would know. Winn, James, and J’onn. Oh, and Maggie, what would she think? That Alex had loved another and the fact that Maggie didn’t want children was just a convenient excuse? And Eliza, Alex’s mother and her foster-mother. She’d be disowned, but what would happen to Alex? Eliza was always the hardest on her own daughter.

“Alex and I were planning on letting it all blow over until they realize they need Supergirl again.”

Cat scoffed at that. “You’ll wait, ducking this issue, only for it to rise back up harder the next time something happens. They’d always think about this instance, that you could snap at any time. But if you did it for the person you loved, the people understand that.”

Kara sat down opposite of Cat. She knew that her ex-boss’ only motive was to help her. If there was one thing Cat had experience with, it was manipulating the media. It would work—but how would it reflect on Alex and Kara? Alex’ picture was out there and while it was not the clearest, she would be recognized on the street.

“ _I'll be there, till the stars don't shine, 'Til the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme—”_ Her phone rang again with some cheesy rock ballad. She almost pressed it away—but chose to pick it up, what if there was something wrong.

“Are you okay?”

“No, I’d have used the tracker you gave me.” An incredulous voice filtered through the speaker. “I just have a heads up for you. Cat Grant has been spotted in National City this morning and—”

“Is that her, Kara?”

“—she’s already cornered you. If she even thinks about putting you in the spotlight…”

“She thinks I, Supergirl, should come out to the media as loving you.” She quickly spoke those words as if they’re toxic. Deep down, Kara knew there was nothing more she wanted than for the proposed confession to be true.

“That… that might actually be a good idea.”

 

 

 

She comes home once again to find Alex challenging her with her the dumplings she likes. It’s been three weeks since they had ignored the advice by Cat, and the media still was in uproar about Supergirl. Every time she went out to save people, those people flinched or couldn’t look her in the eyes. She still saved them, of course. The media outlets always put question marks if ‘this would be the time Supergirl snapped again’.

Seeing Alex in the center of the room without crutches and a potsticker in her mouth, almost made her rise up to the challenge. Kara pushed those impulses down and ignored the awaiting woman and pushed past her to grab the bags from the table. Stunned, Alex remained there and looked at the dumpling as if there was something wrong with it.

“Talk.” A weight dropped in the couch next to her. Kara opened Netflix on her phone and flipped through the movies and series, undecided on what to watch next. Meanwhile, Alex said nothing and only waited patiently for her to start talking.

It didn’t take too long.

“I could hurt you.” Alex nodded, as if she had expected the answer. “It’s so easy to hurt someone. There is only a sliver of power difference between picking a bag from the floor and throwing it halfway to the moon. And if I use my powers I could really hurt you.”

Kara was being pulled from her gaze at her phone and was forced to look Alex in the eyes. “You’d never hurt me. You never did—except for the first week when you tried so hard to adjust, but even that was minor.”

“You don’t know…”

“There’s few things I’m certain of in life, and that is one of them.” Alex pushed Kara down on the couch and snuggled in behind her. Firm hands rubbed circles on her shoulders and down her spine. She tried not to shiver at the touch or that she could feel Alex’s body along hers. When she failed at that, Alex stopped and sighed sadly. A soft whine left her lips, demanding the agent to continue. “I’m being cruel.”

Kara shook her head vehemently. “I’m the one with the lecherous thoughts.”

She wished she could put a sock in her mouth sometimes. She just wanted to say that Alex was not doing anything wrong to her, but why’d she have to say her mind went in _that_ direction. Luckily, the woman snuggled against her just laughed it off.

“Did you ever think of me as a sister?” Alex asked with slight trepidation in her voice. Kara almost jumped to defend herself from the accusation, but then she really thought what the question asked.

“I don’t know—you were my best friend for most of my life and I never had a sibling on Krypton. What exactly is the difference between a sister and a best friend?” She felt Alex nod against the nape of her neck. “But you shouldn’t be attracted to your sister, and I’ve always found you… physically appealing.” Alex snorted at the formal language used. “So I guess the answer is no.”

Alex hummed in acknowledgement and restarted her ministrations on her back. The light touches were distracting and Kara was torn between letting them continue or swat the hands away. The voice of reason won and Kara turned around to face her not-sister, grasping her hands in her own. Their intimate position was not unnoticed by either of them. She was pressed with her forehead against Alex’s, their legs were intertwined, and chests were not quite touching.

Alex’s heartbeat was slightly quicker than normal and her pupils had dilated slightly. _She’s aroused._ Kara assumed her eyes were similarly black. She wanted to push away, not wanting to take advantage of the woman pressed into the couch. Alex didn’t let her and steady arms wrapped around her, while the agent pressed their bodies flush together. From legs to stomach to chest to where Alex had not nuzzled her head in the crook of Kara’s leg, they were touching. This close together, Kara’s rapid heartrate spiked, beating in sync with the one she was hearing so loudly.

“I want to try something.” A husky voice whispered in her ear and Kara almost whimpered as the hot—even to her heat resistant skin—breath blew over her skin. Alex pulled back and Kara saw her eyes flicker to her lips. Alex’s tongue quickly wetted her own lips. Kara bit her own lip in reflex to this intimate feeling.

“Alex you don’t have to do that for me. I don’t—”

“It’s not just for you.” Her protests died in her throat. “Ever since I found out I am gay, and I found out how you felt, there’s been moment where I thought about what it would be like.”

Kara held the breath she didn’t truly need. She voiced the quested to which she already expected the answer. “What would be like?”

“To kiss you.” Alex said while she looked away shamefully. “I was ashamed, because at that time I was with Maggie. And I loved her, but those fantasy’s still popped in my mind sometimes. At the same time, I was disgusted with myself because while you maybe never saw me as your sister, I used to think of you as mine.”

“Please tell me this isn’t the reason you and Maggie…”

“No. I really wanted to have kids. That was the deal breaker between me and Maggie.” She believed Alex as she said that, and she also believed Alex when she said that she wanted to kiss her.

“So you might be attracted to me, but you don’t feel the same way as I do.” Alex nodded yes, with an apologetic look on her face. It hurt to see it confirmed, even though she had known. “Don’t apologize about that, you can’t command yourself to feel things like that.”

“It doesn’t mean that I’d never, you know, feel that way about you. You didn’t always feel this way about me… or didn’t realize it, at least.”

“Then I can’t let you kiss me. Not yet.” It didn’t matter how badly she wanted this, if they made that plunge now, while they were both vulnerable like this, it could ruin things between them. Neither of them had fully healed from the traumatic experience at the cinema. Kara still was afraid to sleep. And Alex kept a strong facade, but there were nights were Kara shook awake not because of a nighmare, but because Alex’s heart rate shot up from her own night terrors.

Alex nodded. “Maybe if we’re both better, we could go out and see if we fit together? Take things slow.”

“Like dating?” She tried not to sound too hopeful.

“Like dating.”

A huge grin broke through on her face, and she flashed her teeth while nodding vigorously. “Oh Rao, yes. And maybe we should follow Cat’s advice as well and announce that Supergirl loves Alex.”

“Not too fast, cowboy.” Alex pushed off of her and quickly stole the forgotten bag of potstickers. “You’ve got to fight for it. I will only date someone that’s worthy.”

Her previous fear of using her powers around Alex was forgotten as she jumped up from the couch. The promised reward was much better than the potstickers she was being teased with. There was no way she wouldn’t be worthy of dating Alex!

“You’re on!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> And that's how it ends. Kara and Alex are both healing, and have promised to give it a try when they're better. 
> 
> It was sort of inspired by one of the Kalex-week prompts, but also because I could show two story lines in one. First: Kara's control failing her and she's learning to live with the consequences. Second, Kara loving Alex and them exploring the possibility. 
> 
> I deliberately chose not to have them miraculously be all better and dating at the end of the fic, new relationships are scary and they both came out of a previous relationship. I didn't discuss mon-el, because the fic was already too long. Just assume that Kara pushed down her feelings for Alex while Alex was crushing on Maggie and that's why she pursued Mon-El.
> 
> Also, what I tried to do was show how Kara was affected by the small things: the call she receives on her phone and she is worried right away-- whereas before she'd be joking. Even Alex thought it was not usual for Kara to be that worried about a phonecall. Second: that she doesn't rise up to the challenge, but before she had no problems of even carefully controlling her heat vision to win against Alex.


End file.
